These answers may or may not resolve the issue for you. You may also disagree on certain solutions. In that case, just remember, you never heard it from me.
1. How do you keep kitty hair from sticking to your lip gloss?
One of them has to go. The choice is simple. A life without kitty kisses? I don’t think so.
2. How do you prevent spiders from lurking on the ceiling right over your bed?
At bedtime, stretch out on the sofa or another comfortable place in the house. Pretend like you are going to sleep there. After a designated amount of time has elapsed (it depends on the intelligence of your house’s spiders – mine are rather annoyingly clever), you sneak back into your bed.
Ta da! The spiders will be none the wiser. Repeat as necessary.
3. Where do you find the ubiquitous missing sock?
Nine times out of ten, it will be in either your husband’s drawer, or your son’s. Should you have neither of these persons in your house, I would suspect the spider.
4. What do you do when it’s the middle of the night and you can’t get back to sleep?
You come up with ten more silly things that need to be answered, what else?
5. How do you avoid those pesky horseflies that buzz around your head when you are out for a walk?
Why, you outrun them, of course. They’re not nearly as fast as those spiders.
6. How do you stop from laughing uncontrollably?
Wait. Why is this a problem again?
7. If I kill a spider in my house, will I be born as one as punishment in my next life?
Only if you flushed it down the toilet. Word gets around down there.
8. When I dream about an old flame, does this make me unfaithful?
Only if you dream that you texted them your cell phone number. And the next day you got a text back asking, ‘Who is this?’
9. What does it mean when you wake up in the middle of the night, your covers are all thrown off, and you’re freezing?
There is only one thing of concern here. Never stick your leg off the edge of the bed. It will get eaten off.
10. What is the best way to kill a spider?
First, never kill a spider unless it’s a matter of your mental health. Second, never kill a spider in your right mind. Therefore, you won’t be in a frame of mind to remember a thing I tell you anyways.
Photo courtesy of flickr: International Man of Conundrums.